Frequently Asked Questions
Why is your website URL BodyForWife.com?
I began my writing career focused on health and fitness, and once your website achieves a certain amount of popularity it’s a pain to change to a new URL so I’m keeping it even though I’ve evolved my writing over the years, with my current focus being a profanity-filled history column published daily on my Facebook page.
But yes, long ago, I decided to get in shape prior to proposing to my wife. Years later, the book Body for Life became popular and a bunch of my friends did that program. I made a joke about being “on the body for wife program” and they laughed and here we are.
So, how does the life-changing moment work in terms of motivation?
It took me an entire book to properly address that question. But … have you seen Shrek? Ogres are like onions and all that? Social Psychologist Milton Rokeach’s Model of Personality asserts there are “layers” to who we are, with superficial actions and thoughts at the surface, followed by beliefs at the next layer in, then attitudes, followed by values. Finally, the most interior layer is the “self”—that person who you really are, deep down. Couple this information with new research into the “identity-value model of self-control.”
That probably tells you a whole lot of nothing thus far. But most of us have external, surface-level behaviors that are not in line with our true selves—that most interior layer. We behave in ways that are reactionary to the environment and social pressures. Focusing on changing these external behaviors (quitting an addiction, exercising, eating better, being happier / kinder / more passionate and driven etc.) is extraordinarily difficult because we’re not addressing root causes. A life-changing moment is one of massive realization regarding what our true self and values are, and permitting them to reign supreme, letting them drive behavior. There’s no struggle to alter problematic behaviors or need to suffer through tasks we don’t like. Rather, we begin to act in ways that are in sync with who we really are because we’ve suddenly found our True North. Such change isn’t something that happens gradually, but is a hard pivot that unleashes a new understanding of what you’re meant to do and be.
So, Who is your agent?
Foundry Literary + Media
33 West 17th Street, PH
New York, NY 10011
psteinberg [at] foundrymedia.com
Can I hire you to coach me?
Sorry, but due to time constraints I am not taking new clients at this time.
Have you ever written about … ?
Quite possibly. Your best bet is to Google “James Fell” + [thing you’re wondering about] and if I wrote about it, chances are it will be the first search result.
Will you read this thing I wrote?
I’m sure it’s wonderful, but no.
Don’t feel bad. My wife reads very little of what I write.
I wanted to send you this bit of fan mail because I like your writing and you helped me.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I appreciate these messages and they make me feel great. Keep on rocking.
I hate everything you write. Your such a piece of shit.
Can I do a guest post on your blog?
I’ve allowed guest posts a grand total of three times, and they are all close friends. And if you’re a close friend, you aren’t reading this. Sorry.
I love you.
I love you too. As a friend.